What’s on your mind?

Im slowly but surely falling behind on everything, one lecture at a time, my mind is focused on everything but studying and i cant get myself to do the exercises and they are so hard anyways, I cant do them without help even if i thought i understood everything or know the answer or whatever.. my brain has refused to keep working and i dont think ill be able to keep up and pass anymore... and the thing is i used to love math, i used to love studying and learning new things and doing exercises and finding proofs and stuff and now its just dull and dead and i wonder whats the point of doing anything at all

I have decided to stop attending Linear algebra and analysis classes. I can’t keep up and the environment really sucks. I rather have the script and professor AI… I can’t help the feeling that most people lie to themselves thinking they somehow benefit from just listening while not getting anything. Anyone else sharing my conclusion?

How many times and how long am i supposed to keep trying to make friends and initiate stuff? It's tiring on top of alrady existing mental health problems and the load of moving to a new city and starting your studies and keeping up and stuff.. ive met so many people and exchanged so many contacts and written to many as well, but why has no one written to me? t the pre study event, i was ditched, guy hadnt even asked for my contact while he asked everyone else, then later on the first semester day it was like everyone was already friends in my group and i was just hanging out alone, and then i was ditched by another group because i didnt speak swiss german it seemed and they made sure to speak in swiss german even though they knew i didnt understand it and then now i had met up with this guy outside of uni and we spoke a bunch and i asked him to hangout again and ive been ghosted.. how long do i keep doing this? its exhausting... im sure somewhere its my fault, maybe i dont seem approachable or something, maybe im an asshole... maybe its the fact i also dont have the emotional energy to invest in new friendships... i can barely wake up in the morning and finish the content and stuff, i cant make it to the lectures on time so no one sees me, even though im at the uni almost all day after that just studying, but of course no one tries to talk to the loner especially now that all the friendships are solidifying and ive been too absent...

I know it's kinda weird, but I have a bit of a crush on my TA. For context, we're both around the same age, and I'd really like to get to know them better. To be honest, I don't know what to do. If I ask them out for a coffee or something and they say no, things could get pretty awkward. Should I just wait until the end of the semester and ask them then? I'd appreciate your opinions on this.

I am better than (you)! Is what I wish I was, please rip and tear the hubris off my vessel. Many here were once the top of their class, it's only natural after all that the "most apt" will end up in the same building. I've heard rumors of olympiad winners who crushed competitions in their preteens. It gets me rethinking whether I was ever exceptional, let alone above average, in any discipline. But consider the average person clinging to a physics or mathematics degree. (substitute me into the equation here) I know I'm not the only one that thought they were a smidge above the rest and I am dreading what it means to be graded at university level. I've only known perfection, every time I wrestle an abstraction into submission I prop myself up and stroke my own ego, thinking aptitude and competence were entitled to me. It's unlikely for me to be the best as I had been thus far and while my fists grasp my resolve and I fiercely swear I'll succeed, I want to free myself from this fragile and egotistical self-worth that shackles who I am and should be. Do I do this out of passion? Do I truly see the beauty in it? I hope intimately and desperately that this is not pure vanity. However, no matter what of that is true, I started as a kid who was just a bit better, which earned praise, which created the need to be a tiny bit better still. Ambition and talent are now a soup I can't separate. Let f(t, e) be a function of talent and effort, what comes out only takes shape once it is graded, once there is an academic branding of that value. The domain is unknown. The range is a greater mystery. I've lost sight of my limits, and I'm afraid I'll crash rather than soar. But that value is the same value I assign myself. Sorry for composing this like a [[insert self deprecating insult of your choosing]] Thank you for reading. Now your participation: How to anticipate failure, how to accept imperfection? How to manage the drive to know everything, how to move on when gaps exist but definitions are stacking up?